"Intercourse vs. Orgasm" and the new definition of Orgasm

Gentle Intercourse as described by Marnia Robinson in the Huffington is essentially "sex" with out the climax. Even though "sex" in this case is kept to the strictest sense of the word, it is revealing to note that the conversation regarding other experiences of sex and orgasm can and does include that which is not goal oriented towards climax and therefore reproduction.

For over 25 years the Welcomed Consensus Deliberate Orgasm research has been focused on a pleasure oriented rather than goal oriented model of orgasm, or what they call a female model of orgasm. Since female orgasm is not required for reproduction, women naturally have a more varied experience of orgasm than men do. This longer and potentially more intense type of orgasm can include a climax or not and is one that men are capable of learning and experiencing in their own bodies.

The benefits of pleasurable sex and orgasm are many and include increased intimacy and connection between partners as well as over all feeling of wellbeing. We hope you enjoy the excerpts we have selected from Intercourse vs. Orgasm. To read the entire article you click on the link at the end.

Not long ago, a Canadian research team discovered something surprising: In the recipe for great sex, orgasm is optional. Said the head researcher, "There is plenty of evidence that most people believe that the secret to sexual fulfillment is technical, that it's about better manual and oral stimulation techniques." In fact, "You could have terrible sex with orgasms and despite orgasms, but you could have optimal sexuality without orgasm."

So where did humans get the idea that sex must always lead to orgasm? At first I suspected our primitive mammalian mating program, which delivers a reinforcing "Yes!" with each climax. Turns out there's more to the story. Both the Church and the experts who compiled the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) have contributed to the belief that intercourse must be fertilization-driven (or orgasm-driven).

In the last century, when Belgian and French Catholics discovered that gentle intercourse without orgasm was a "means of achieving a more perfect, more spiritual conjugal love," the pope condemned it. Some Church authorities actually declared "incomplete sexual acts" mortal sins.

When it comes to orgasm, Church authorities are not the only conservatives. Whenever I've asked experts about doing a few weeks of research comparing the stress levels or healing speeds of couples engaging in orgasm-based sex with couples practicing gentle intercourse without the goal of orgasm, I received the same advice: "That wouldn't get past our ethics committee because sex without orgasm is considered a paraphilia, or sexual disorder."

Now I have no doubt that people have sometimes avoided orgasm during sex for pathological reasons. But benefits from the practice of gentle intercourse without orgasm have been reported so often, and in so many cultures, that emotionally healthy people must have made this choice too.

As I learn more about the effects of sex on the brain, I realize it makes sense to take into account how recently, or intensely, we have climaxed. It appears that frequent, or especially intense, orgasm can create tolerance (a need for increasing stimulation to achieve future orgasms). It can also lead to satiety and habituation, which may show up as subconscious irritation, out of sync libidos, performance demands and insecurities. And it may promote the use of risky sexual enhancement measures as lovers try to overcome their built-in biological brakes with force. Not to be alarmist, but Viagra, for example, has been associated with sudden, irreversible blindness and has been blamed for many deaths through heart attack and stroke. Perhaps we are pressuring ourselves to reach unrealistic benchmarks.

Meanwhile, gentle, relaxed intercourse without orgasm is "off limits" (for Catholics) and "dysfunctional" (for the rest of us). As a consequence, if couples don't know about, or have fallen out of the habit of, using other daily bonding behaviors to sustain the sparkle in their relationship, they are quite likely to rely only on sex with attempted orgasm(s) to keep their union strong.

A more relaxed approach to sex may prove especially beneficial for pair-bonders like us. Our nervous system appears to reward us for both close, trusted companionship and the exchange of selfless, affection. In other pair-bonding species, "sexual behavior is neither especially frequent nor especially fervent." Many interactions between mates take the form of resting together, mutual grooming, and "hanging out." (The Myth of Monogamy)

Maybe our limitations exist to urge us toward less driven affection. Perhaps it's time to expand our lovemaking repertoire to include relaxed, non-goal-oriented sexual activity with the primary goals of closer bonds and increased contentment.

View entire article here.

"Learning the Anatomy of Pleasure" with Deliberate Orgasm

Contemporary human sexual research shows us that through deliberate clitoral stimulation women can experience orgasm that is both longer and more intense, and that both males and females can remain in the orgasmic phase for much longer than earlier studies indicate. Deliberate Orgasm research by the Welcomed Consensus is contributing greatly to developing a new model or a female model of orgasm.

As this new expanded model of orgasm is emerging into the mainstream, more people are talking about understanding our anatomy, the importance of communication and having pleasure as opposed to climax be the goal of our sensual activities as evidenced in these excerpts of an article by Loveologist Wendy Strgar titled Learning the Anatomy of Pleasure.

“Pleasure is the object, duty and the goal of all rational creatures."
~Voltaire

There is a lot about our own sexual anatomy that we never learned growing up. In fact, the anatomical facts of nature have been seriously updated. All of this talk of G spots and female ejaculation has inspired a second look. Who knew that the clitoris is not just a magic button crowning the vagina, but was proclaimed by Masters and Johnson as “a unique organ in the total of humanity.” The organ, with over 8000 nerve endings, twice as many as the penis, has actually 18 parts both visible and invisible. It is so complex and extends so deeply into the pelvis that is now actually considered an organ system. The clitoris is now widely considered homologous to the penis with more structural similarities than differences. This new understanding of the function of the clitoris as an intricate network capable of a vast multitude of unique and powerful orgasmic sensations literally changes the map to pleasure.

The same could be said of the male sexual organs. The anxiety that many, if not most, men feel about their penis size is as universal as the misconception that it is the penis that is the ringleader when it comes to sexual satisfaction and prowess.

Our lacking and misguided ideas about our anatomy may be partly to blame for the real problem that plagues so many couples. The incomplete understanding of our own or our partner’s anatomy is often accompanied by the lack of skill building that makes for intense and growing sexual satisfaction.

Of the women who have given their men sexual advice, over 64 percent of them said that when they gave their partners feedback on their love skills, they experienced more pleasure. The same was true for nearly 60 percent of men; so why not consider your sexual health as a new and vital home study course?

Taking control of your sexual education is one of the most loving acts you can bring to your relationship. But don’t get too serious about the lessons- the connection between humor and eroticism runs deep in our bones. Remember your childhood games of “playing doctor” or the laughter that erupted from the “gross-out” jokes? Applying this kind of levity and curiosity to re-learning the anatomical map to pleasure will make you laugh and surprise you, maybe even with an orgasm or two.”

Read the full article Learning the Anatomy of Pleasure.

For information on a woman’s pleasurable anatomy, read about Female Orgasm.

These gratifying contemporary orgasmic experiences are explained and illustrated in the Female Orgasm Videos. This unique set of educational female orgasm videos shows a man and a woman creating this new kind of orgasm in her body. All of the concepts that are demonstrated with female orgasm in the videos also apply to creating that type of orgasm in a man's body.

Having Sex for Fun: Bonobos

Here is a sneak peak from the Welcomed Consensus newsletter on Pleasurable Living. To receive your this newsletter via email you may sign up on our Female Orgasm home page.

Human beings can have sex for fun. We are deemed unique in the sensual/sexual arena since females of our species have the rare ability to turn on and have sex at any time. A woman does not have to be in-heat like most other mammals in order to do it. Our brains have huge frontal lobes which govern many activities, one being voluntary or volitional sex. Simply conceiving the notion of a sex act can create the actual behavior. It is not hormonally dependent nor strictly biologically driven.


We are not alone, however, in this distinctive ability. Our next of kin on the evolutionary ladder, the Bonobo apes, have volitional sex and do so with relatively high frequency. They are one of the few other mammals that scientists have determined have sex for fun.

The Bonobos are the last primate species to be discovered (in 1933) and reside only in the rainforests of the Democratic Republic of Congo.

These slender, graceful apes walk on two feet, have mouths with reddish lips and females have frontally located genitalia. They are best characterized as being matriarchal or female-centered, egalitarian and non-aggressive. Conflicts, such as food ownership, jealousy or who gets off the tree limb first, are settled peacefully with sexual interaction rather than with aggression.

Bonobo sexual behavior is not a separate category like it is in most other species. Rather, it is integrated into the day-to-day social relationships amongst all individuals within the tribe. Frequent sexual arousal often is instigated by anything that stimulates the interest of two or more Bonobos. It could be feelings of jealousy over a fellow ape or simply coveting the banana or plaything of another.

Sexual bonding is the remedy for any potential squabble, therefore, fighting is a rare occurrence in this society. Sex is also used as a greeting and source of amicable food sharing when Bonobo groups encounter each other in the jungle. They barter with it and engage in it simply for the fun and enjoyment.

Sexual pairings are not restricted to male-female; all combinations occur except for mother-son. Group sex also takes place and mounting positions are varied as well. The most common sexual contact is genito-genital or "GG-rubbing" between two females. By facing and holding on to each other, two adult females rub their swollen crotches together while often expressing visible pleasure and joy.

Oral sex, tongue kissing, masturbation, mutual manual genital stimulation and copulation in many positions are other sexual activities that Bonobos enjoy just like people.

Due to the fact that volitional sex occurs randomly multiple times a day, female Bonobo vulvas are almost continuously pink and engorged, and are a constant signal for sexual willingness and attractiveness. In contrast, all other primates' genitalia are engorged only one quarter of the time. The frontal orientation of their vulva and clitoris allows them to copulate face-to-face or in "missionary" position, seemingly unique to only humans.

Squeals of delight, huge ear-to-ear smiles, arms behind her head or in tight embrace, gazing into each other’s eyes and passionate kisses are some of the ways they express their pleasure while copulating. The squeals and grins may be interpreted as orgasm.

Our endearing ape relatives are the epitome of consummate deliberate sexing. They successfully demonstrate that through pleasure and orgasm a peaceful, loving community directly results. Something their large brained cousins may want to consider.

To learn more about the Bonobo Ape, see this book on Amazon.com:

Bonobo: The Forgotten Ape

The Welcomed Method

In 1996, the Welcomed Consensus released the first adult sex-educational video on Deliberate Orgasm titled Deliberate Orgasm Volume 1.

This video, which is now in it's second edition and available on DVD, was modeled after a course which features a One Hour Orgasm demonstration and was filmed in one take including questions from the audience. The Subtitle: Expanding Female Orgasm was added 8 years later, and is a description of the information that is avaiable in this 40 minute release.

David Shade, adult sex educator and author of several books on pleasuring women, discovered Deliberate Orgasm Volume 1 when a friend loaned him a copy. Intially he didn't think much about the information until his girlfriend was enthusiastic to experiement with the technique. From their experience, David found such value in Deliberate Orgasm, he wrote an entire chapter dedicated to DOing titled "The Welcomed Method". In it he offers a descrition of the basic technique of DOing and his experience in applying what he learned with his girlfriend.

Here are some excerpts from The Welcomed Method:

Most women believe that direct stimulation of the naked tip of the clit is too sensitive. My girlfriend said the same thing. When she masturbates, she goes in a circular motion. She also prefers that I touch her clit in the same manner. She does not like the naked tip of the clit to be touched, as it is "too much." She prefers the hood to be rubbed over the clit, providing a "pushing" pressure onto the clit.

My friend Brent lent me a video he ordered from the web site: welcomed.com. The guy in the video certainly seems to know what he is doing. He showed how you must directly touch the naked tip of the clit at its one o'clock position (as looking AT the clit) with the tip of the index finger. In the video he demonstrated on a woman. He rubbed her for about 10 minutes. All the time she was orgasmic, but she never 'came.' I returned the video and thought nothing of it.

One night I told my girlfriend about what I learned in the video and I showed her the web site. I told her that the guy said that "Any clitoris can be touched, when touched right." I said to her "I want to try an experiment." She said "OK! But I'm a little skeptical as in the past direct stimulation has been too powerful."

Just as in the video, I had her lie on her back. I sat to her left side and placed my left arm under her left leg with my hand under her ass with my thumb pressing on her perineum (between her vagina and her anus.) ...Just as in the video, I slid the tip of my right index finger up onto her clitoris. I smeared the lubrication onto her clit and then began to rub the one o'clock position of the naked bulb of the clit... She immediately responded favorably. She said "I LIKE THIS experiment." I tried the 11 o'clock position and asked her if that was any different. She said that the one o'clock position was better. I then tried the six o'clock position, and again she said that the one o'clock position was better. So I went back to that.

Before long, she said "This feels SO good that I don't WANT to cum!" I instructed her to continue to relax totally. She said she was right on the edge. She was in continuous total ecstasy. This continued for about 30 minutes.

We talked about it later and she said "The orgasm was different than any before. The sensation was different. It was like my clitoris was being pulled! It was like I had a penis and it was getting pulled. It is totally unlike the usual rubbing where there is pressure ONTO the clitoris. This was different."

The next day she said "Every time I think about it, I get really horny. It's like when you first learn how to masturbate, you want to keep doing it. I've been craving it all day, I'm walking around with a clitoris hard on!"

Learn more about Deliberate Orgasm and Instructional Videos from the Welcomed Consensus.

"In Praise of Slow Sex"

For 25 years our research on female orgasm has been a lot about slowing down. Slowing down your mind, slowing down your stroke. The reason being is that the slower you go, the more you can feel.

For example: Place the palms of your hands against one another. Now quickly slide them apart. Notice what you feel. Now, place the palms of you hands together as before, but this time pull them across one another and apart as slowly as you can. What do you feel now?

Below is an article one of our students sent us reagrding slow sex. It is written by Carl Honore, journalist author of "In Praise of Slowness". Enjoy.

In Praise of Slow Sex

The other day a buddy of mine was making love to his new girlfriend his cellphone beeped with an incoming text message. Like any guy, he hoped she would ignore the alert - or even fail to notice it altogether.

The opposite happened. The woman opened her eyes, grabbed the phone from the bedside table and read the message. She then typed out a short reply.

"To be fair, she apologized and suggested we go back to the sex," says my crestfallen friend. "But it was kind of a mood-killer."

Two conclusions can be drawn from an anecdote like this. The first is that my friend maybe needs to brush up on his sexual technique. The second is that his girlfriend's behavior reveals something alarming about the way we live nowadays.

In this media-drenched, multitasking, always-on age, many of us have forgotten how to unplug and immerse ourselves completely in the moment. We have forgotten how to slow down...read more from "In Praise of Slow Sex"

You can also visit the Welcomed Consensus website and read on topics such as female orgasm and where you can sign up to receive a free newsletter on having more fun and pleasure in your life.

Giving a Woman What She Wants: 3 Questions

From a recent interview with a student, we selected these 3 questions on Deliberate Orgasm and giving a woman what she wants:

What do you like about DOing?
It’s a deliberate way to learn and to experience and to have fun with her body. With DOing I’ve learned more about her body than I ever thought possible and it’s a way that we can communicate while we are sexing and while I have my finger on her clit I get to find out what she likes and the more I found out the more important and interesting it has become every date I feel like I learn more about her body.

How has DOing added to your sex life?
You know, I never really knew about women and DOing is a way to learn about women about what they want, the pleasure they want in their lives and the aspect of communication while you’re having a DO date and asking her what she wants or thinking of things and using the training cycle and asking her if she wants a longer stroke and then getting feedback on what she wants. I felt like those blocks have been built along the way of, I know what she wants and I have a way to ask her what she wants if I think of something new.

What does the guy get out of it?
What the guy gets out of DOing and deliberate orgasm is a happy woman. You know, from my experience this is the way that you can have a happy woman. If you don’t have a happy woman in your life and you have that thought that you’d really like to have a happy woman in your life, this is a way that you can do it, because you can give her all the orgasm that she wants and she wants orgasm in her life. That’s one thing I know, that women want orgasm and all the experiences that I’ve ever had with women, they wanted orgasm. And if you’re thinking about getting some more orgasm in your woman’s life, this is a way to do it, deliberate orgasm, DOing is a way to have happiness and to have a happy woman.

Find information and discussion on this topic and more on the Clit Board! (free registration to post)

Demystify the G-Spot: Discover the many Sensational Thunkspots

Thunkspots: Pressure sensitive spots accessible inside a woman’s vagina when she is properly engorged.

It is widely publicized that the clitoris contains more than 8,000 pressure sensitive nerve endings. What people are now realizing is that the clitoris extends into much of the body’s pelvic area and can engorge 2-3 times its normal size.

The commercially-known G-spot is just one of the many sensational spots inside a woman's vagina. The G-spot is simply the underneath side of the clitoris where it forks, becoming the clitoral legs or crura. The legs of the clitoris run adjacent to the urethral sponge. This area is the most prone to engorgement and is highly sensational, therefore, has drawn the most attention.

The vagina has no pressure-sensitive nerve endings, but there are pressure-sensitive nerve endings in the deeper tissue.

When the clitoris, internally and externally, is properly engorged, many sensational spots inside of a woman's vagina emerge and can be discovered for pleasurable stimulation. We call all of these sensitive spots Thunkspots.

So what is engorgement and what is the best way to create it? Sign up for our free newsletter and you can find out more...


Locate and stimulate all of her Thunkspots pleasurably. Explained and demonstrated in the DVD Manual Penetration while DOing - Thunkspots